If I had only known....

I was a child myself at the time. My father was a teacher at a primary school across town. He taught the highest grade, called group eight here. Children that were eleven or twelve years old, I was thirteen myself, but a very young thirteen. Its so many years later now, but I am still very young emotionally.

His class was going on a field trip; three nights and four days to a farmhouse in a forest. They would cycle the hour. I wasn't in his class any more, I was in high school and so was my best friend, but we were allowed to go with them and have fun. I didn't know any of those children and I was socially awkward. My friend was not though and she made sure we connected with some of the girls. Tammy was one of those girls from the class.

Tammy was a small girl, with long brown hair and big brown eyes. She didn't say much and tried not be noticed too much. I am a quiet girl myself, always have been, therefore I tend to notice those who stay mute more. This girl I definitely noticed, she was funny and smart, yet there was something about her that was peculiar. I couldn't place it then, perhaps if I had, I could have done something.

My friend and I were guests for all the days, though we weren't allowed to sleep over. We had a lot of fun. Some of the classmates said Tammy was much more open and fun there, then she was in class. Her best friend said she had secrets and was sometimes covered with bruises. She never participated in gym class or swimming. Tammy never told her how she got those bruises, and after a while she stopped asking. Tammy was just quiet that way....

On the last day I helped the girls pack their bags. They were going to cycle back to our city and then have a party at the school. Tammy was packing her bags as well, she seemed a little nervous, but the girls weren't giving it attention. They were busy packing their own things, and they were just kids, what were they supposed to do even if they had know. Suddenly Tammy starting yelling and crying. She threw her sleeping bag down and kicked it away from her. She had been unsuccessful in getting it back into the tiny carrier bag it had come in. Her classmates ridiculed her behaviour, they did not understand what was so important about it. Truth be told, I didn't get it either, but I still got up and folded the sleeping bag until it fit. She calmed down, thanked me and continued with the rest of her things. The others continued too, whatever it had meant, it was no longer an issue for them. I get it now though.


Tammy's father was an abusive drunk. He hit her whenever he felt like it. As soon as she came back home from school, he would make her unpack all her things. If one pencil wasn't sharp enough, or if an eraser was missing, he would beat her till she couldn't stand any more. He also made trips to her bedroom in the middle of the night. A sleeping bag not packed as it had been originally, would have been a perfect excuse for her father to beat her. Not that it mattered though, when Tammy came to the school party that afternoon, she had fresh bruises on her arms and legs. Every day she had fresh bruises on her body no matter how much she tried to be perfect in everything. He would still beat and rape her. He had since she was a toddler. Her mother knew, she had always known, but she did not take her two girls and leave.

I guess Tammy was one of the lucky ones in the end, she got out of the house a few years later and never went back. She still carries the scars from her childhood though, they are deep lashes across her heart. Why did this girl get abused? Why do we beat and rape the small infants, the chubby toddlers, the schoolchildren or the teens? I will never understand it, all I see in those faces are all things good. Perhaps if I had known at that time, I could have done something for this girl. I do know that if I see it now, I will think of Tammy and act. And will never look the other way!

* 'Tammy' is, of course, not her real name.